New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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