dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
