Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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