honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
