You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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