Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
