Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Randomize
