thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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