Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
