I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
