if i died would you start the facebook group?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
