Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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