this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
