I'm passing your future prison.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
