HIV tests are more positive than that guy
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
