this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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