Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
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i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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