Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
