how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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