FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
