You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
