apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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