Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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