He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
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There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
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i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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