i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
