i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
