Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
