so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
