I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
