I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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