After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
