i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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