i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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