I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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