I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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