pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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