i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
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You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
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show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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