And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
