So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You took a bar mat shot.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
