That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
