I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
