Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
