I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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