So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
