the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
