Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
