kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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