I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
