He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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