I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
