I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
