dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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