Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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