Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize
