You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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