You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
