also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
