Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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