Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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