i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
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