Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
