It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
