my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
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He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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