she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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