I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
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Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
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Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.