I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
