tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Sex on roller skates
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.