If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.