Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
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My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
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I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that