You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
