Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
