I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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