I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
