My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
