My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
