Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My ATM looks so different sober.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
