This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
