I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
