what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Is Oprah even human
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
