real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i jhust puked up my retainher.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
